That sounds accurate.”The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice.” Well, that certainly fits! “And the last one: “Habitual psychological and physiological dependence on a practice beyond one’s voluntary control.” That definition fit completely.
We COULD NOT stop dissociating when we wanted to. We do not attach a moral judgment to the word “Addiction”. It is a simple statement of fact. We did not make the choice to voluntarily start using dissociation to get through life. We did not make the choice to continue to use it. We would not be alive today if We had not learned and used the skill of dissociation. But it is now beyond our control and is now unnecessary in our life. Naming this addiction at the Stages gives me tools to use so we can let go of it.
We become able to be more patient with ourself and more effective in overcoming it.OK. So we knew we were addicted. But exactly what are we addicted TO?
Researching the term “dissociation” I found this definition by Dr. Bennett Braun: “the separation of an idea or thought process from the main stream of consciousness” (Braun, 1988). Everybody uses dissociation. People use it to screen out unnecessary stimuli. With untraumatised people, this is a choice and not problematical. Any time a person is focused in on something to the exclusion of one or more aspects of present day reality, they are using dissociation. Everyone here has used this – perhaps when reading a book, or practicing a musical instrument, or figuring out income tax. That kind of dissociation is helpfulAnother way to think of dissociation is as a method of dealing with trauma by not knowing about it. The memory of events may be split into separate components. Dr. Bennett Braun developed the BASK model; an easy way to understand this. BASK stands for Behaviour, Affect, Sensation and Knowledge.If any one of these is missing in your memory of an event, then you are dissociating. “Behaviour” is the action associated with an event. in times of stress, I find myself putting my hand on the back of my neck. I would do this unknowingly, with no conscious memories or reasons. This is a behaviour that originally I found meaningless. I became aware that when I did this, my mind would blank and I would lose all my thought processes.
Affect is the emotions one had in response to an event. Sometimes we dissociate sensation – We can have the knowledge that we were sexually molested. But we have had no physical sensations to go along with this – just the knowledge. We have a student who experiences the opposite – sensation is the one element she has NOT dissociated. She has all the physical feelings of events but no knowledge of what the events are. Whether or not you define yourself as having Dissociation, if you have experienced severe trauma and have not completely healed from it, you DO dissociate in a way which interferes with your ability to live your life the way you would choose. An alcoholic uses a chemical to dissociate; a good dissociative doesn’t need alcohol. Our minds can do it for free!
We have a Core identity our child within which is the original person born in the body. Through repeated trauma, if the defences of numbing and dissociation have repeatedly been used, the authentic self The Child Within, the Core, the identity may become out of reach and its existence even forgotten. But as long as the body lives, the Core Child Within is alive, although parts may be cut off from the Child Within, or may have been led to believe the Child has died. The Child Within is the age of the body and usually goes by the birth name or nickname, although that is not always true.It took us a long while to accept the existence of a Child Within. We could not feel our child, see her, or hear the child within. Some of us were convinced they we had witnessed the Child within dying. Be aware, this is never true – the Child Within CANNOT die, if the body does not die. The Child Within can experience near death, and be unconscious, but it is STILL THERE.
We gradually came to accept the fact that we do have a Child Within, and now most of us believe this, although we still have parts of us that refuse to recognise this truth.
We have been asked how the Child Within can be recognised. If you have watched a baby for a while, you will readily see the Child Within unless the baby has already experienced extreme trauma.
Internal rules can point to the existence of the Child Within. If you cannot find your Child Within, ask yourself what rules all parts inside obey. A common one for survivors is “No outside children may be harmed”. Another principle of ours has been that no matter how much we don’t want to, we will stay alive for our children. These rules or principles that apply across the board obviously must originate from some central part of me. What is that central part?
We have found it is invariably either the Child Within or the intuitive voice that is very close to the Child Within. Another way the Child Within can be recognised is by feedback from other people. when people respond to us, we gradually realised they were all responding to some common characteristics within us that we had not ever been aware that we had! We dubbed this the SHINE. We evidently exhibit these characteristics no matter who we feel like inside.
A way we recognise the ABSENCE of the Child with is when we feel boredom. The only times we experience boredom are the times in which we are not Child Within present; the times we do not have our inner intuitive voice available. At these times, nothing holds our attention, nothing seems worthwhile, there is nothing we can latch onto. Nothing outside of ourself will satisfy. We can be temporarily distracted by external things, but only when we find what is missing internally does our boredom really lift.
Make no mistake, We are addicted to dissociation. When we chose this topic, almost a year ago, we thought – with a full year to work on this, we can easily break this addiction. Well, it did not happen! Just as many people use substances to avoid facing difficulties, reaching for a substance to soften the edges of harsh reality so they can slip through life more smoothly, We reflexively go away inside when we brush up against something difficult, and we are gone before we know it.
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